Episode 68: Where Goals and Motherhood Meet-Dealing with Daily Discouragement
What You’ll Learn
Before the Mess (04:56)
In the Mess (19:55)
After the Mess (33:42)
Recap (37:48)
Wins (38:35)
Invitation (42:24)
This week we want to honor the struggle.
Because motherhood is HARD.
There are spirits of defeat, discouragement, fear, inadequacy, and sadness that we’re fighting Every. Single. Day.
And frankly...Discouragement is everywhere you look.
You can feel it and see it...like at the beginning of the pandemic.
But ESPECIALLY after 2022.
And while that's not something to celebrate, the truth is, when everything looks good (social media highlights) it's easy to feel lonely.
Or like the problem is with YOU.
That your goals and dreams don't work because you don't work hard enough.
Or because you aren't enough to do it all.
BUT
You aren't alone.
We're all feeling it, but there are mommas fighting against these same demons and winning. You heard some mommas' wins in our last podcast and you're going to hear some more!
PSST...Keep the wins coming! We'll let you know how you can send them in at the end...
Motherhood IS hard BUT you can struggle on the daily and still accomplish big things.
The beauty here in the struggle is...we are becoming.
These challenges are what shape us into the best version of ourselves...
Going after these goals means we're in the game! We're doing the things!
We're in the arena (maybe even with real lions).
We aren't living in our defeat, discouragement, fear, inadequacy, or sadness.
They might still come to visit, but we're hugging them and sending them on their merry stinking way.
Your goals will change the world (we're not even kidding here)...but the reality is life is going to happen.
Your kid is going to have an accident when you're walking out the door.
A cold is going to run through the house the last 5 weeks of the year.
Your cat is going to eat 4' of yarn (financial freedom year).
Someone is going to break something
Your travel plans are going to have a hitch...like a flat tire, or a snowed in cabin.
You'll throw your hip out while you're putting on your pants and have to rest instead of exercise.
You'll have nights where no one sleeps and you're so sleep deprived only survival is possible the next day.
And when it does...you're going to need tools to deal with it.
So how do we recommit to moving forward, to getting back on track, when it does?
In podcast 65 we talked about taking your goals and breaking them down into mini goals and actions steps.
This week we're speaking directly to how these goals, mini goals, and actions steps meet resistance in the days, weeks, and months of our motherhoods and giving you tools to greet them where they are.
Today is all about daily resistance.
BEFORE THE MESS (04:56)
Be Kind to Tomorrow's You!
Mentally walking though possible challenges -->
Taking action so that tomorrow goes smoother in spite of the challenges...do tomorrow's you a favor
Dinner for Your Family
The meat being frozen
Take meat out the night before
You don’t have a plan/don’t know what to make
Tonight, you’re choosing a recipe that aligns with your schedule for tomorrow, AND you have the ingredients for on hand already
You don’t have the ingredients you need on hand
Pre-plan where to fit in a quick store run
Ask your husband tonight to pick up the missing ingredients on his way home
Ask a neighbor
Tomorrow’s soccer and this coach always goes late and you’re not sure you’ll have time to make the meal you had planned.
Adjust recipe to use a slow-cooker or instant pot
Check the budget for room to eat out
Getting to an Appointment in the Morning
You or the kids not getting up in time
Go to bed earlier
Start your evening routine earlier
Sometimes you just need to cancel life and commit to sleep
I can’t find my…____
Laying out outfits the night before
All the pieces and parts
SHOES...SOCKS
Kids are hungry but you’re running out of time
Planning for a quicker and easier breakfast that doesn't need my oversight
Pop tarts
Granola
Egg wraps (tag reel)
**wisdom** Don't plan appointments/meetups/etc. in the hardest parts of your day (to the best of your ability)
IN THE MESS (19:55)
The Reset
Acknowledge that the situation has gone sideways
Press pause button
Mental with physical element
options
Assess – THIS IS A PRACTICE – it's going to become a habit
where you are
where you need to go/what's the end goal
what you can't change
What you CAN change
What is your next step
Start over (guilt & shame free...for YOU & your kids)
A Child Opened the Refrigerator Door and a Huge Pickle Jar Shatters on the Floor
Acknowledge the mess
Yell "nobody MOVE!" ...even though they will
Press pause button
It won't get messier if you wait...it's as bad as it can be already.
What pause works for you? Disrupt your reactive response
Standing against a wall
Breathing
Tapping
Turning on music
Moving your body
Smelling something
Assess
Where am I: the kitchen
Where I need to go: a clean kitchen
What I can't change: that the pickles/$ are gone...that the mess is here...
What can I change: my reaction, my own attitude, my child's perception of accidents and mistakes, where the pickle jar goes next time
What is my next step: Kids. The kids need to be settled, dog too.
Start over
Move on from this point guilt and shame free.
Come from a place of teaching.
Motherhood is THE BEST place for learning.
Your Child Has an Accident in the Checkout Line
Acknowledge the mess
Let the cashier know you need some paper towels
Press pause button
This is a moment for a quicker pause and face management
What pause can you do quickly to disrupt your reactive response
Breathing
Name my feeling
Hug anger/desolation/embarrassment and let her go
Hug your child
Say an affirmation
this doesn't mean anything about me or my parenting, kids have accidents and that's okay
We're all just learning.
This wasn't on purpose
Visualize a peaceful place/time
Assess
Where am I: the checkout at the grocery store
Where I need to go: home
What I can't change
that my child had an accident
that people may be judging my parenting/me
That there's pee in the cart, on my child, possibly on me, AND our groceries (bear grylls drinks it...it's okay)
There's a mess that needs to be cleaned up
What can I change
my reaction
my own attitude
The embarrassment or guilt I'm allowing
My child's perception of accidents and mistakes
My grocery store routine next time
What is my next step:
Clean up the mess
Finish checking out
Turn to the person(s) being affected by this accident and say "thank you for being patient with us, we're new to potty training still"
Start over
Move on from this point guilt and shame free.
Come from a place of teaching
AFTER THE MESS (33:42)
The Lesson
This is where we're looking at the situation in hindsight. Hindsight is 20/20 right?
Ask the good questions
What will I do differently BEFORE the mess
What will I do differently IN the mess
Find the lessons
But did you die?!
As Marie Forelo would say...Everything is figureoutable
You gained something here
Happened FOR you not TO you
You’re Late for a Doctor Appointment and They Canceled You
Remember this is after you've had a good cry, or you've taken all the steps above...or even just one or two (like not strangling the receptionist). You're back home. The kids are in bed. You're filling in your deliberate day journal...
Ask the good questions (Before & During)?
What were the circumstances that led to us being late?
Could they be avoided next time
What were the circumstances that led to us being late?
Doing something night/day before to help me get out the door on time?
How could they be avoided
Mental/emotional state
Can't be avoided:
Could starting earlier change the result?
Good adulty communication: Call on way, explain situation
How can you gain
mental/emotional state do I WANT show up
Find the Lessons
The answers to those questions ARE your lessons
Write them down/journal them
THESE ARE LIFE NOTES!
RECAP (37:48)
Motherhood is hard
We're all in the same boat
These are the tactical tools to help you deal with resistance, set-backs, discouragement, defeat, challenges...whatever you want to call them...
Before the Mess:
Be kind to tomorrow's you
Perceive challenges
Mentally walk through them
Take action and do tomorrow's you a favor
In the Mess:
The Reset
Acknowledge the mess
Press Pause
Assess the situation
Start over – shame and guilt free (as much as possible).
After the Mess:
The Lesson
Ask good questions
Find the lessons (in your answers)
WINS (38:35)
We got the most feedback we've ever had before on the podcast following all the mom wins we had the honor of sharing on our last episode.
To our mommas who sent in your wins, you've inspired, encouraged and impacted moms all over the country (and even some overseas!) so thank you so much for sharing them with all of us.
Let's cheer on a few more.
Invitation (42:24)
We want to keep this beautiful thing going!
If you’d like to send your mom wins in, we would LOVE to share them!
You can record a quick voice memo on your phone and send it to us on IG or via email to Brittany@thedeliberateday.org
