Episode 78: Food Doesn’t Have to be So Difficult-Kelly Shoup on Picky Eaters
What You’ll Learn
Kelly Shoup-Occupational Therapist (01:12)
Kelly's Journey (02:05)
Picky Eaters vs. Children with Sensory Issues (05:20)
How Should we Handle Picky Eaters (17:05)
If you Don't Want Food Wasted (24:50)
When Meal Time is a Battle in Big Families (26:24)
What is One Piece of Wisdom for New(er) Moms (32:14)
How to Find Kelly (35:15)
We've all been there…sitting at the dinner table with a toddler who is REFUSING to eat the food that you so lovingly purchased, cooked, and plated.
We've received so many questions about dealing with picky eaters.
Today, we've invited an occupational therapist on the podcast and we're talking about picky eating vs. sensory issues...how to know which camp your child falls in, and real tactics to put into place so meal times aren't such a battle.
Kelly Shoup-Occupational Therapist (01:12)
We're here with Kelly Shoup, a lifelong Catholic Christian and pediatric occupational therapist who for more than 20 years, has helped parents of children ages 3-8 navigate the trenches and parent smarter, not harder.
Her signature system is based on a Christ-centered compass that focuses on Skillset, Mindset, Heartset, and Bodyset and it's specifically her skillset and bodyset focuses that set her apart within her field.
She meets parents where they are and helps them gain clarity and foster connection with their kids.
…oh AND she's got 3 beautiful children of her own.
Kelly, thank you SO much for being here today!
Kelly’s Journey (02:05)
Kelly is…
A lifelong Catholic
Middle of three siblings
Loves kids
Started in business, but switched to Occupational Therapy her Junior Year of college
Occupational Therapy is…
Any task or activity that has value or meaning to you…an occupational therapist can help you do those tasks
There are many interesting ways to be an occupational therapist, but Kelly loves kids, and this career field allowed her to spend more time with her own kids
Picky Eaters vs. Children with Sensory Issues (05:20)
All picky eaters usually start out with some sort of sensory sensitivity. God designed humans so intentionally, and in those young ages when kids are developing, it’s their bodies that are telling them what they need to do (instead of higher level thinking in their brains).
God wants us to listen to what our bodies are saying, so the intellect (higher-level thinking) is delayed. At the ages when kids are being labeled as picky eaters, they are usually not trying to make you mad…they could be just getting a loud signal from their body telling them the food isn’t working for their body.
It’s important to note that there are five senses. When we know more about our kids and which parts of the foods they’re having trouble with (smell, touch, taste, sight…), we can better understand how to invite them to eat different foods.
Kids need to eat a flavor at least 6 or 7 times…Kelly is very intentional about making foods different ways, and this will expose kids to foods cooked differently. Moms…don’t get discouraged, keep trying!
It can be difficult not to take it personal when your kids don’t like or appreciate the foods you make, but we need to separate ourselves from the food. Don’t be so hard on yourself about it, the simple act of preparing the food is wonderful for your kids to see. Your validation as a mom doesn’t come from how much your kids love your cooking.
Do what God tells you to do, then detach and allow God to show up and help you with your picky eater. As moms, we want to have control over all of it, but that isn’t the job. Remember, this is JUST dinner.
When you come to the meal with stress and anxiety, your kids will know it! Kelly even suggests knowing yourself and communicating your needs with your kids. If you’re preparing for a crowd, and you’ll be a bit crazier than normal, prepare yourself mentally and communicate it to your kids ahead of time.
As mothers, we can redefine our expectations about what mealtimes need to to be. Success isn’t a clean plate.
How Should we Handle Picky Eaters (17:05)
Kelly has a sensory profile quiz on her website (take it here) and she recommends taking it for yourself FIRST! When you can identify your own sensitivities (because there are strategies for handling them), and knowing your OWN sensitivities will give you some understanding when it comes to your kids.
When you know your child’s sensory profile, there are different tactics you can employ at meal times!
If you have a child who refuses to eat anything, it can be anxiety. Kelly likes to get curious about when that may have started…if a child has been made to sit, or punished, it could be leading to a physical response that makes them dread mealtimes (a pit in the stomach, or stomach ache, etc.).
Kelly doesn’t make mealtime a big thing. She cooks, and makes sure each meal includes something that each child likes. Every pediatric feeding expert she’s ever been in contact with has said that eating begets eating. If they have nothing they like, they won’t get started. Kids should be encouraged to listen to their bodies, and as parents, we can help with that. If a child has a strong response to a certain food, it could be their body.
Bottom line…keep inviting your kids to try different foods, and success doesn’t mean a clean plate.
There’s a motivation for the adult who’s preparing the food…but don’t let money or wasting of food override the messages a child’s body is telling them. It can be hard (especially right now), but allowing kids to learn and trust those signals is important. (This can transfer to other areas too).
If you Don’t Want Food Wasted (24:50)
If it’s a priority to your family that food isn’t wasted, give kids a taster of new foods! One of the biggest mistakes Kelly sees is parents giving kids a portion size for adults. A healthy veggie portion for a 4 year-old is three bites (for a serving). Knowing appropriate portion sizes is VERY important.
Everything Kelly has talked about has deeper ramifications, and when you put all these things together, you get a much better picture about what mealtime should look like.
When Meal Time is a Battle in Big Families (26:24)
Some things we can do when we don’t have the time or capacity to help one individual child at dinner actually don’t involve the meal itself. Look for other ways the child can be comfortable around food. Involve them in the preparation, or the shopping, or helping the family.
One example could be having an older sibling (who may be very picky) help prepare a meal for a younger sibling. A 7 year-old can easily help prepare a simple breakfast or lunch for a 3 year-old…suggest something the older child doesn’t like (they won’t have to eat it), but they will get an opportunity to become acquainted with it.
There are so many different ways to get kids involved.
Every baby has primitive reflexes that are supposed to be integrated as children grow…in many cases these can show up big time at meals. For a picky eater, Kelly may do exercises on the floor that look like they have nothing to do with eating at all!
For parents who are dealing with difficult eaters should absolutely contact Kelly! She can help you shift your mindset and take the battle away from the table. Kelly says, “Stop doing the one thing that hasn’t been working for the last four years.” Kelly has helped SO many parents!
What is One Piece of Wisdom for New(er) Moms (32:14)
Kelly would tell herself to trust her intuition, to embrace the uniqueness of her kids, and to give herself more space and allow for more grace from the Lord to show up. He built our kids, and He knows what they need.
Every parent Kelly works with is SO hard on themselves, so she is very careful to encourage parents. So mommas, remember those wins, and celebrate them!
As women, we need community. Be intentional about having friends who will tell you when you’ve done good (but will also keep you accountable when you’ve messed up too).
How to Find Kelly Shoup (35:15)
Kelly has a quiz on her IG linktree (@kellykshoup) and available on her website here! Kelly has a monthly membership where she helps moms (click here for info), and it is a wonderful way to reach out, learn from Kelly, AND from other moms! Kelly also does a 911 SOS call for families (get info on that here), and finally…she works individually with families as well (check that out here)!
Handling picky eaters doesn’t have to be as difficult as some of us have made it out to be!
If you're not on our list yet, DM us on Instagram @thedeliberateday with the word picky and we'll send you a link for ALL the goodies.
