Episode 83: Survival-How to Lean-In
What You’ll Learn
A Season of Survival (01:07)
How Seasons of Survival Have Showed Up in Our Lives (02:30)
Leaning-In During Seasons of Survival (06:45)
Recap (38:30)
Invitation (39:27)
We're starting out today with a question...How are you? Really? Momma?
If you answered with I'm so tired...or overwhelmed...or I'm surviving...but barely...
We've got you.
We did some digging this week to talk about what has been commonly coined as "Survival mode" in motherhood...and we came up with some surprising insight...
A Season of Survival (01:07)
First of all in our humble opinion...survival mode isn't just a mode, it's a season
Which is good news! Because if you're in a season of survival, it means it won't last forever.
The downside here is that because our motherhood is seasonal....new challenges can throw us back into a season of survival…
But what IF a season of survival isn't a BAD thing...but just a different season...and one that we can lean-in to?
Hear us out! I know that sounds trite...But it's very possible this new outlook might be exactly what you need to SURVIVE a season of survival.
Let's look at how to recognize a season of survival
If you are experiencing
Lack of focus
Difficulty in remembering or recalling things
Daily Fatigue or exhaustion
Emotionally Reactive
Forgetting to care for yourself or putting aside basic needs
Decision Fatigue
More impulsive
When we first researched this we had to laugh because this honestly just sounds like the "real" job description for motherhood...but that’s also why we want to bring light to the idea that leaning into this season could change your world...let us explain…
How Seasons of Survival Have Showed Up in Our Lives (02:30)
Brittany met survival mode with her first child…
I met survival mode with baby number one as well!
These are just some of the stories where we came face to face with survival mode...but the fact that we're here talking to you, should give you some hope! Because our experiences, our own trial and error, and some really good research, have, in a very big way, shaped what we're sharing with you today.
And this is the MOST important thing ....you aren't defined by how you run things in seasons of survival...or any season....your motherhood and YOU are a culmination of your entire life and your inherent goodness as a child of God.
Your kids memories won't only be of this time....and in fact, will be much better than you're imagining in this season...
Momma, did you hear that?
...you aren't defined by how you run things in seasons of survival...or any season....your motherhood and YOU are a culmination of your entire life and your inherent goodness as a child of God.
Leaning-In During Seasons of Survival (06:45)
So how do we accept being in a season of survival and even lean-in?
How do we make nice with the fact that we can't have nice things...and that the laundry isn't going to get done...and that our houses won't be as clean as we want....and we might forget the paperwork that needed to be turned in last week....and that it's just HARD?!
Get your mindset in check
Accept this season for what it is.
Release old expectations about your capacity from when you weren't in a season of survival
How clean your house is
How much work you can get done in a day (and resenting my kids for what I don't)
The style of meals you like making
The freedom you use to have
The old weight and fitness you
Working outside the home
Homeschooling a certain way
Create new expectations & soundtracks
Expectations are infinite...time is finite...you are always choosing, choose well. Juliet's School of Possibilities
My home doesn't have to look like I pay for a cleaner and we don't live here.
"The signs that we live here don't have to mean I'm failing as a homemaker"
There is a limit to what I can get done in a day and it's okay to choose what's most important and release the rest.
"God has given me this time, this day, and He's put in its path who and what need me the most. And I get to shift my priorities guilt free"
My worth doesn't equal how fancy or how simple dinner is.
"I'm feeding and nourishing my family in the best way that I can right now, and it is enough."
Freedom looks different in this season
*psst, freedom in motherhood looks a lot like boundaries...we don't always have the freedom to get up and go where we want, or just not nurse a baby when we're touched out, or to enjoy old hobbies at the drop of a hat...so maybe freedom looks more like tv for the kids on hard days, or taking a shower ALONE when your husband gets home, or protecting a small pocket of time each day, or maybe freedom looks like waking before your kids*
"I am a person with needs and it's okay to create boundaries around them"
My body has done amazing things, and because it's done those things, it's different than it was before.
*it's different, but not worse...I can't imagine going back to my teen body...could you?!*
"I appreciate my body for what it's done for me, and I will do my best to create a healthy environment for it to thrive"
I am still a valued member of society staying home with my children.
"My contributions are just as valuable, if not MORE, as when I was working outside the home"
My homeschool doesn't have to look like traditional schooling, in fact...it shouldn't.
"I am the best mother and teacher for my children and I get to have freedom in our homeschooling"
Simplify the load
On one end this is really about looking at the things and responsibilities that are taking up the most space or sanity in our days...let's look at some examples
Laundry
Go minimal (with the clothes)
Only do laundry on certain days or at certain times
Don't sort your laundry anymore...newer detergents are made specifically to not run colors together....Tiff has NEVER sorted in her life...don't ask Britt.
QUIT FOLDING! *go with a basket/cube system*
Feeding your people
Come take our class...we'll help you with this one!
Be okay with simple....let it be easy
Nights of ease
Set meal plans
Can we say back up meal?
Spaghetti
Pesto pasta
Pancake mix
Chili
Chicken wraps
Errands
Cut what isn't necessary
Choose only 1 - 2 days a week and PROTECT IT
Work in a 30 min playground stop
Bring snacks
Be kind to tomorrow's you – prep ahead of time
Time with yourself & your people – momma you are a finite resource...and this is just a season
It's okay if you're sick of momming when the witching hour hits and you need to turn on the tv
It's okay to start a "less" bedtime routine in this season
It's okay to grocery shop after kids are in bed
It's okay to get a babysitter and go on a date with your husband
It's okay to go on a date with yourself and just sit in silence!
It's okay to do movies at bedtime
It's okay to declare one night a week as video game night
It's okay to not play with your kids
It's okay to ask older kids for help (and we mean 5 and up!)
Share the invisible load of motherhood
With your husband
Planning and coordinating all the things
Taking kids EVERYWHERE (especially dr. Appointments)
Researching everything
Holidays and birthdays
Planning Meals
THESE ARE SO IMPORTANT
Don't be a micromanager
Recognize and appreciate good effort
Find your people
People who are in a similar season and are willing to lean in (too)
With a healthy dose of being a safe space for each other
People who lift
People who are willing to help (but don't expect everyone to be a place to be able to help you)
People/relationships are not meant to be thrown away (throw-away culture)
Motherhood is hard, there's not much we can do about that, but we can do a lot about how we approach that "hard”.
If you listened to this and you aren't in a season of survival...hopefully you made some mental notes, because when Shhh* goes sideways...you might just need them.
OR maybe this podcast was meant for you so you could support another mom drowning in a season of survival.
RECAP (38:30)
Survival mode isn't just a mode, it's a season
Seasons of survival don't last forever.
A season of survival isn't actually a bad thing, just different, and we CAN lean-in to it.
You might be in a season of survival if you:
Have a lack of focus
Difficulty in remembering or recalling things
Daily Fatigue or exhaustion
Decision Fatigue
Are constantly feeling emotionally reactive
Forgetting to care for yourself or putting aside basic needs
More impulsive
How do you lean-in?
Get your mindset in check
Create new expectations and soundtracks
Simplify the mental and physical load
Find your people
Invitation (39:27)
We're starting a new Podcast Series and we are SO excited about it! It's called "Just" A Mom...and that's because no mom is "just" a mom...We really believe that mothers hold INCREDIBLE wisdom and knowledge and we want to tap into it and share it! Because we ALL have amazing stories, triumphs, challenges, and beauty to share with the world! We want to share these lessons, stories, struggles, and wins from moms of all types.
So many of the mommas we've been blessed to meet feel like their ordinary lives aren't anything interesting to share, but....we're here to tell you, that couldn't be further from the truth. Your story could be exactly what another mother needs right now. So, if you know a mother, or you have a story to share, please reach out to us on Instagram @thedeliberateday.
