Episode 40: Planning to Fail-When Life Derails You
What You’ll Learn
A Word on Failure (00:40)
When you’re derailed in the day-to-day (02:00)
When an appointment or activity goes long (or pops up) (04:45)
When there are surprise visitors or guests (06:15)
When you’re living in crisis (07:50)
When you’re moving or traveling (09:50)
When you’re experiencing a medical crisis (planned or unplanned) (12:20)
Recap (18:00)
Invitation (19:00)
You’re going to fail! Momma, it’s a necessary part of learning. In today’s episode, the fourth of a five part series, we talk about how you can fail when your best made plans are derailed AND we give ideas for how to overcome those “failures”! When you’re done listening, come follow Brittany on Instagram @thedeliberateday and DM her the word “bonus” to get the Mini Meal Planning Kit!
A Word on Failure (00:40)
Welcome to Part 4 of the 5 part series on failing! You’re going to fail, you’re going to fail, you’re going to fail!
There are two halves to failure. . .anticipating failure and getting ahead of it, and failing and learning from it without being defeated. We’re applying these to meal planning, but you really take these concepts and use them in your life anywhere!
So here are the areas where even the best laid meal plans can fall apart. . .
Planning
Shopping
Making the Meals
Being Derailed
Mindset
Now we’re going to get real and talk about being derailed!
As moms we know that only constant is that there IS no constant! Someone’s going to have a blowout in the middle of getting ready to leave, someone’s going to break a glass while unloading the dishwasher and halt any use of the kitchen, someone’s going to set a dog or child free while you’re trying to leave in a hurry, and someone’s going to undo ALL the folded laundry right after you’ve folded it!
So, how do we anticipate and learn from these unpredictable moments in our motherhood and NOT be defeated or overwhelmed by them?
When You’re Derailed in the Day-to-day (02:00)
The long-term fix for day-to-day interruptions with kids is really to make sure the basic needs of your children are met BEFORE you tackle big items. Have the kids been fed, does everyone have water, have they been changed and taken bathroom breaks. . .if you can anticipate some of those needs before you start a big project, it won’t ensure no interruptions, but it will give you the best chance!
Also, plan to use your down-time wisely. Use that time to prepare yourself for later, use that time wisely to get plans set, to set yourself up for success. . .be kind to future you. Be your own best friend!
Build healthy boundaries. It’s ok to tell your kids “I can’t help you right now.” It’s ok to say, “I’m not available for that, please go ask a sibling.” If you’re a momma with a big family, try the “Ask three before me,” rule. If you only have little toddlers, it is OK to say “No” for now, and teaching the skill of waiting can actually be a good thing!
The mid-week, mid-sink fix is to CREATE downtime if you need it. It’s ok for kiddos to watch a movie or eat a popsicle outside if you need a little time to prep a meal or if you need to prep things in the morning so your meal time goes smoother in the evening.
It’s ok to put non-emergent things off to save dinner and your sanity! If things have to fall apart a bit for YOU to get things done (safety-first of course), you can put headphones in, put a blockade between the chaos that’s happening and give yourself a reprieve to be able to focus on dinner and put your time and effort there.
Trust the most capable child in your house to help you out! Give the most capable child tasks and let them rise to the challenge. This is a beautiful opportunity for you to build these kind of foundations in your children. You can also find a safe place for little ones if you need to, a carrier on your back, pull out the baby gate, or even the playpen! You may need to sacrifice something else to have a little peace in your kitchen!
When an Appointment or Activity Goes Long (or Pops Up) (04:45)
The long-term fix here is to plan meals that are front-loaded in the work, like a fix-it-and forget-it meal or a crock-pot meal so that even if you come in the door an hour or two late, that meal will be done, ready, and waiting for you!
You can also plan to have a back-up meal! The back-up meal is a life raft, and you NEED one!
The mid-week, mid-sink fix here is can you cook the meal you planned differently, or quicker? Can you use the instant pot or the air fryer? Can you microwave it? Cook it on the stove instead of the oven?
Be honest about your energy! Use a back-up meal if you need it. Go super simple, cereal, ramen, eggs and cereal, or eggs and toast will work! Put out lunch meat or crackers and cheese!
Can you fit some eating out into your budget? Is this an occasion where your time and sanity are worth making some sacrifices in other areas of your budget?
When There Are Surprise Visitors or Guests (06:15)
The long-term fix is to have a well stocked pantry and freezer. You can ALWAYS stretch a meal with more pasta, rice, or veggies.
What if it’s Wednesday night at 5:00 and I have a group of people at my door because my kids invited them for dinner. . .what do I do then? Pull from your pantry or freezer first and try to bulk-up the meal you were already planning on. You could also cannibalize from a future meal and use a back-up meal on that day.
If they notify you by text that they’re coming, ask if they can bring a side! This can build great boundaries for friendships, and you can invite friends to help!
When You’re Living in Crisis (07:50)
There are happy crises, and there are crises crises. . .
A happy crisis would be a new baby, extended visitors, a new job, or a positive change in your seasons. The long-term fix here is to set reasonable expectations for you, your kids, your husband and your season. Know yourself and your capacity, as well as those within your home. Prepare ahead as much as possible, make meals ahead or buy ready-made meals. Plan on simplicity, grocery delivery, and make adjustments to your budget to account for the capacity and the needs you have during this time!
The mid-crisis, mid-sink fix here may require a meal service. Grocery delivery. ASH FOR HELP! Reach out to your community, AND another option to consider may be to hire help! A mother’s helper can be a great option, or maybe you even have it in the budget to hire a chef or home cook! Are there college kids, moms at church, older women at church, or young homeschool teens who could come cook for you (or any of these people who could deliver meals to you while you’re in this stage).
When You’re Moving or Traveling (09:50)
The long-term fix here is to set reasonable expectations for you, your kids, your husband, and the process. Know yourself and know your capacity (and their capacity) within that time. Work backwards from your departure date and eliminate additional stress across the board, throw away guilt and give yourself grace, be generous with your budget BUT stick to it! Use up everything you can that you have on hand, and simplify, simplify, simplify.
Consider the “after.” If you’re moving, consider the time when you will get to your destination, and create a buffer for the in-between. If you’re traveling, think about when you’ll return, and plan something for that day (so you don’t have to go to the store the day you get back).
The mid-crisis, mid-sink fix is to use up any and all back=up meals. Use EVERYTHING from your pantry and freezer. If you’re moving, you need to use everything anyways. If you’re on a trip, any fresh foods in the refrigerator may go bad while you’re gone, and thinning out your freezer inventory might be a good idea (because the power could go out while you’re gone).
Go ahead and toss or donate anything you aren’t going to use up. Don’t save this step until the last minute, do it now. Just get food from out. There are times when you just need to make this as easy and as simple as possible.
Being in crisis means that you’ll do things differently than you do on a regular basis, so sometimes you just need to get food out!
when You’re Experiencing a Medical Crisis (Either Planned or Unplanned) (12:20)
The long-term fix here is to plan and make meals ahead. We deal with a LOT of surgeries in our home, so I KNOW that surgery day is usually a day when I’m gone—which means that meals need to be something that my teenagers or father-in-law can easily make at home. Then, days 2 and 3 are all about pain management and require a higher level of care from me, so I will have easier or pre-made meals ready for those days.
This is the time to reset your expectations for EVERYONE. Take time to be honest with yourself about this. I use “no” as a sentence in these instances, even to the point that I don’t leave our city for an entire month. Brittany also says “no” to extras post-surgery, and she’ll plan more time out of the house to allow her husband to heal.
Throw yaw guilt-it’s not needed. Give yourself grace.
Simplify, simplify, simplify. For money and for time!
Use what you have on hand, and balance it with as much ease as you can work in. You may find that you have less time, AND less money, so using what you have can alleviate some of the stress.
Your best-laid plans will fall apart when you have an emergency, and you don’t get a choice. Brittany’s had two emergency c-sections, one that landed her with a NICU baby who was born not breathing, so EVERYTHING came to a halt and all the focus was on the baby. One of the most important lessons from that time was asking for help!
Your friends WANT to help you! You are NOT a burden!
Conversely, help your friends! Send a gift card, make a meal (even though it can be a challenge), this makes such a HUGE difference for people in crisis!
The day of any emergency, don’t even try to make a meal. Just do easy! Get food out and you can make a new plan tomorrow, in a few days, next week.
If you have back-up meals, USE THEM! This is their Super Bowl!
When you do get back to planning, make it SIMPLE! Buttered noodles, eggs, pancakes, EASY. Just get the food to the people, nothing more.
Recap (18:00)
Life is derailing by its very nature, but it doesn’t have to be defeating.
When you’re dealing with your kids in the day-to-day, try to make sure their basic needs are met, use your time wisely, and build healthy boundaries.
If you’re in a season with lots of appointments, activities, or sports, plan fix-it-and forget-it meals and keep your back-up meals well stocked.
When it comes to surprise visitors, keep a well-stocked pantry and freezer.
Even in a happy crisis, it’s important to set reasonable expectations and prepare ahead as much as possible.
When moving or traveling, you need to be honest about your capacity, plan ahead as much as possible, and give yourself grace.
In the case of a medical or a big life event crisis, reset your expectations, eliminate unnecessary commitments, and balance using what you have with easy meals.
Invitation (19:00)
If you’re new to meal planning altogether, and if you’re a person who likes to have all the information right in front of you with a beautiful workbook and resources you can use again and again, we’d like you to check out the Mess to Meal Plan Masterclass, right here on thedeliberateday.org when the doors open September 26th!
Finally, make sure to subscribe on your favorite podcast platform and give us a rating if you haven’t yet!
