Episode 66: Life Leaves Clues-Why Goals Fail
What You’ll Learn
Why Goals Fail (01:20)
Failure in Goal Setting (02:00)
Failure in Goal Execution (12:35)
Recap (45:40)
Momma, all last week we told you, YOU get to have goals!
If you were with us for last week’s podcast, you walked with us through our beloved goal planning guide The Deliberate Start. That was borne from so many years of goal planning with the experts, testing out all their methods, all while making tweaks and changes, because motherhood is really unique. It’s a unique vocation, a unique job, a unique calling…there are challenges unique to motherhood that you just don’t see in the rest of the world.
We were really looking to make The Deliberate Start very accommodating to moms and the specific challenges we’re faced with every single day.
Why Goals Fail (01:20)
Today, we’re talking all about why goals fail.
The day after perfect" is the most dangerous day for any goal - Jon Acuff
The two areas where goals can fail are in the setting of the goals and the executing of the goals.
Failure in Goal Setting (02:00)
We set unrealistic goals. If we think about our capacity, if we consider our season, we can make our goals much more realistic and achievable. It’s always a better idea to start small and get a bit of momentum going. Most of us are motivated by winning, so by starting small—you give yourself something SO much better.
We set goals other people want us to set. The exception here is a goal you’re working on TOGETHER with your husband. Otherwise, if someone outside the circle of your immediate family (you, your husband, or your kids) either pressures you to set a goal, or you feel the pressure to set a goal for them (instead of you), it is a recipe for failure. You need to have skin in the game to succeed with ANY goal, so make sure the goals you’re setting are goals YOU actually want to achieve.
Another reason that goals fail are that we set goals we actually have NO interest or intention to carry through with. If you’re being honest with yourself, you actually don’t have interest in going after this goal—but you feel like you should. Jon Acuff talks about this when he suggests keeping a “later” list, which is a great place for this type of goal.
We set goals that don't align with our season/capacity. Knowing the season you’re in, your priorities, and your capacity is SO important!
We set ambiguous goals (they’re just too-broad). If you’re going to set a goal, give it a time and make it measurable.
Sometimes we set goals for things that we can’t control. These are the goals that are dependent on other people to do what we want. This only sets us up for anger and resentment.
Failure in Goal Execution (12:35)
There are some very clear areas that we can fail when we are executing the goals.
Goals can fail in execution when life gets in the way (medical, emergencies, big life changes, new babies). You may find yourself asking, “What happened?” Jon Acuff’s idea of “The day after perfect” REALLY fits in here. Motherhood is FULL of changing seasons, and this can be a particular challenge for goal-oriented mommas.
Sometimes our goals fail in execution because we mismanage time. This can include mind-melting, getting busy, over-filling our calendars. Laura Vanderkam is a wonderful time-management expert who was recently on Jon Acuff’s podcast (listen here), and not only does she have a thriving business-she is a momma of 5!
Another reason that goals don’t succeed is a failure in our mindsets. We should be visualizing our day when we get up. We need to walk through our day mentally before it actually happens. Mommas, battles are won and lost in your mind. Also, have you thought about asking God for help? Just try it! AND, what about a Saint? (You don’t have to be Catholic to do this, you can ALWAYS ask people—even the Saints—to pray for you!)
We give up. It is SO tempting when life gets crazy, when things fall apart, when the kids are revolting, it can be easy to give up. Frankly, sometimes life makes you give up anyways. Instead of giving up permanently, try shrinking your goals to fit your current season.
Goals can also fail in the execution when we aren't kind to 'tomorrow's us'. What that means is, we aren’t thinking about what the tomorrow us needs in order to be successful in our day, in our motherhood, or in our goals. Help a girl out! Anything you can do before tomorrow that will help future you counts! Ask yourself, “What’s one thing I can do to make tomorrow a bit easier?” THIS can actually BE the goal.
Sidenote: Our goals don’t have to be these big pie-in-the-sky things that can build resentment or bring on defeat. They can be small and simple, and they can still be amazing!
Money. Sometimes life happens, and even if we scrimped and saved for a renovation, or a class, that money gets tagged for something different. This doesn’t mean we have to give up! Maybe this is where you adjust the size of the goal.
What to Do When Goals Begin to Fail (34:40)
There are SO many things we can do when our goals begin to fail…You may need to pivot, overcome, or carry-over.
There is a way to assess and review goals regularly! In The Deliberate Start, there’s a great 30-day assessment! (Which can be done as often as you like). Doing this assessment can build awareness and it is SO powerful!
Our goal success depends a great deal on our ability to have persistence in our goals AND to pivot.
Overcoming is ALL about mindset! Many moms live in a perpetual state of defeat, hopelessness, anger. You CANNOT create from a place of desolation…you MUST work on your mindset. This is something only YOU can do, and it WILL give you back some power.
Must commit to feeding your mind in a positive way. Like our podcasts! There is good content ALL over! Make a conscious decision to put good things into your mind. If you’re on socials, only follow people who are putting beauty and goodness into the world. Fill your life with things that lift you up, things that empower you, things that encourage you.
The small act of paying attention to how you feel after you listen and watch certain things. This can include movies, books, shows, and social media personalities.
RECAP (45:40)
Reasons goals fail
Setting the Goals
We set unrealistic goals.
We set goals we actually have no interest or intention to carry through with.
We set goals other people want us to set that aren’t actually on our heart to change.
We set goals that don't align with our season/capacity.
We set ambiguous goals (too-broad).
Executing the Goals
Life gets in the way (medical, emergencies, big life changes, new babies).
We mismanage time.
We create broken mindsets and put them on repeat in our heads.
We give up.
We aren't kind to 'tomorrow's us'.
We just don’t have the money to make the goals happen.
Invitation (47:05)
Momma you get to have goals, if you don't have the Deliberate Start goal planning guide yet, we want to give you a small taste of what's in there by sharing the personal reflection and personal beginning pages for free.
You can get it:
On Instagram (Thedeliberateday) -- DM us with the words: Sneak Peek
Or by emailing us at Brittany@thedeliberateday.org
Happy goal planning momma!
