Episode 49: Gratitude Practices…for When You Can’t Even Pee by Yourself - Volunteering & Savoring
What You’ll Learn
Improving Your Life in Hard Seasons (00:40)
Volunteering (02:15)
Savoring Your Experiences (07:25)
Recap (18:20)
Invitation (18:35)
This week we’re trying something new! This episode is part three of five ALL about gratitude (In a mom-friendly way). Today we’ll talk about volunteering and savoring your experiences (and how to fit these in as a mom). Make sure to come back for parts four and five, when we’ll cover writing to someone & visiting a friend (or going on a trip), and prayer (meditation) & mindset. Are you on our e-mail list yet? Each Monday we check in with our community of moms-and we want you there! Click here and we’ll send you the 2022 Deliberate Day Holiday Planner AND get you on the list!
Improving Your Life in Hard Seasons (00:40)
Motherhood is hard. There are seasons of loss, job or loved ones, seasons of transition, new babies, toddlers, teenagers, or toddlers AND teenagers. When we look at the advice from the “experts” it can be difficult to transfer it to the daily reality for a mom.
Our goal for this week is to take the common advice for increasing gratitude and adapt it to fit into a mom’s life. We’ll talk about. . .
Journaling
Exercise
Drinking More Water
Getting More Sleep
Volunteering
Savoring Your Experiences
Write to Someone
Make a Visit or Go On a Trip
Meditation & Prayer
Notice Your Complaints & Reshape Your Mindset
These all sound fantastic, but motherhood presents enough challenges and these are difficult to implement as a mom.
If you don’t feel well, it’s hard to practice gratitude. . .it’s hard to start implementing habits to change.
The “experts” don’t always have little kids, and their suggestions aren’t always based in reality of having all these people counting on you.
Volunteering (02:15)
If you have a bunch of little kids, your LIFE is a volunteer opportunity. The good news it, there are benefits to volunteering that are already present and available to you, you just need to shape your mindset on those so they can take root.
“Service to others and volunteer work is one of the leading suggestions by specialists in the mental health fields for combatting depression and anxiety, as well as promoting a sense of purpose.”
-Viktor Frankl
Viktor Frankl did a lot of work on Man’s Search for Meaning. If you have children, you have a ready-made purpose living and breathing next to you. It’s so valid, and it’s so important, what you’re doing is so much bigger than what you’re seeing right now!
It may sound counter to say that serving your people can combat depression and anxiety, especially if you’re struggling with postpartum depression, but this is where mindset is SO powerful. Looking at serving others in a different way can open up some of the benefits to you.
Benefits like. . .
lower blood pressure
reducing chronic pain
improves the world
is a great example to your children
You are living a volunteer opportunity! You are feeding the hungry, giving drink to the thirsty, sheltering the homeless, visiting the sick, sometimes. . .teaching and spending time with the imprisoned, and if you’re dealing with the death of a pet. . .burying the dead.
When you’re doing all these things, you’re doing so much good. Maybe you don’t have time to process all this, maybe you don’t have time to appreciate or to see, but other moms see you. Older moms who have some years under their belts see you and the good you’re doing.
The solution here isn't to search out bigger obligations and to-do’s, no matter how honorable and incredible of a contribution they are. You know, these big goods, they make us feel REALLY good. It makes your heart feel good to build a house with Habitat for Humanity or work in a soup kitchen or volunteer at your church. But, volunteering outside your home. . .there are seasons where it fits. There are also seasons where THIS, what you’re doing inside your home, is the volunteer work that God is calling you to in your vocation.
Savoring Your Experiences (07:25)
Savor? Savor what? I am just surviving, are you kidding me? How am I supposed to savor? It’s just hard everyday! I’m exhausted, I just want to savor a nap!
Does it change anything to “savor your experiences”?
It does. So much.
Here’s another time when you’re mindset is everything. When you focus your energy away from the negative, and on the positive, that’s where you’re going to see the biggest benefits.
Your mindset can be absolutely HUGE. Y’all, I’ve had YEARS where I had to remind myself of any little bit of good I could find, because there wasn’t I could see. As a recovering complainer, Britt was having a difficult time remembering good back in 2021 (when we started our mom mastermind).
Having this mindset shift, and savoring your experiences will. . .
reduces stress
boosts our memory
increases focus and clarity
decreases emotional reactivity
As we deal with this in our own lives, these are the solutions we’ve tried (that we’re using right now).
Be where your feet are. . .a little at a time. Don’t expect to savor every single little thing. All-or-nothing thinking is the BIGGEST danger for people anywhere, because it’s massively overwhelming. It undermines how we actually feel-as moms we NEED time to process things. Live these moments, and then you need to go back and re-live them later.
There WILL be times that you need to sit in the grocery store parking lot with everyone securely buckled, and have a good cry. Then afterwards, look back on the situation and log a quick gratitude (in a voice memo or a video). It doesn't have to be THAT visit, but something from that day. After you give yourself time to process it, training your brain to look for the good is a fantastic habit to start.
When my two oldest boys were little, the only people who could handle them were my daycare provider and myself—because they were such a handful. I spent entire days repeating the mantra, “At least they’re healthy enough to be naughty,” from morning til evening.
Sometimes you just have to imagine what your current situation looks like from the outside, and laugh.
Try to reduce friction as much as possible. Like when Brittany edits the podcast, she knows she will become angry and resentful if she gets interrupted. Now, she works on it at a different time, and if she still gets interrupted she accepts the interruption and moves on.
For me, I need to just put my phone away where I can’t reach it so I can look into the eyes of the beautiful people who need me and want to tell me ALL the things.
Recap (18:20)
Reframe your idea of volunteering, because honestly momma, your life IS a volunteer opportunity.
Train yourself to be where your feet are, fail, and then try again.
Invitation (18:35)
At least one time today, look into the beautiful eyes of your child or your husband while they talk to you and think about how much of a miracle it is that they’re there wanting your time and attention.
If you feel like it, send us a picture of any moment of your day! Maybe sitting in the car with a bunch of kids crying after a shopping trip. . .share it with us in a DM (@thedeliberateday) or via e-mail (brittany@thedeliberateday.org) because we’d love to say hello, cheer you on, and be a part of your journey!
Grab your holiday planner below if you don’t have it yet!
