Episode 126: Marriage as a Goal…And Dating with the ABC’s with Kathleen LeBlanc
What You’ll Learn
Marriage Ministry & Catholic Date Night (03:02)
Date Nights in Every Season (06:20)
Three Ways to Prioritize Your Marriage (07:54)
Adapting Marriage Goals to Different Seasons (12:12)
ABC Date Nights (22:44)
How Kids Understand Love & Marriage (31:05)
Putting in the Work (38:20)
Questions for Kathleen (45:40)
Introduction to The Catholic Date Night (51:44)
In this episode, the hosts interview Kathleen LeBlanc, a Catholic musician and worship leader, about the importance of making marriage a goal. They discuss goal fatigue and the need to prioritize marriage amidst the busyness of life.
Kathleen shares practical tips for making marriage a priority, including regular date nights, weekly check-ins, and prayer together. They all emphasize the impact of a strong marriage on children and the importance of setting a positive example for their future relationships.
The episode concludes with a discussion on the long-term effects of a happy marriage and the importance of communication and fun in maintaining a strong relationship. Kathleen emphasizes the impact of a healthy parental relationship on children's sense of security and safety. She also provides advice for couples who may be struggling with unequal effort in their relationship, suggesting open communication and personal growth as solutions. She highlights the power of prayer and the importance of not giving up on a marriage.
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Marriage Ministry & The Catholic Date Night (03:02)
Kathleen and her husband have always been passionate about ministry, and since being married and having many children, they have been surrounded by married couples, so the evolution of The Catholic Date Night was inevitable.
Our guest grew up with an excellent example of marriage from her parents. If we are married, it IS our vocation, a sacrament we’ve committed to, and it’s almost as important as our prayer life. It’s our road to Jesus. So, when our marriage and our prayer life are prioritized, peace will flow.
Date Nights in Every Season (06:20)
HOW do we make our relationship a goal when there are SO many little souls to attend to?
It’s important to remember that every season of life is different, and a date night will look different too! Put your date night on the calendar, and make it a priority.
Three Ways to Prioritize your Marriage (07:54)
A Date Night…these don’t have to be outside of the home! Kathleen and her husband date exclusively in their home right now!
A Weekly Check In…a set of questions that can get you and your spouse on the same page. These were inspired by Beating 50%.
Prayer Together…pray together, just as a couple. This could be before bed, a Rosary, anything!
Brittany and her husband have a weekly date night where they actually get to leave the house (this is the season they’re in). They’ve found that uninterrupted time is SO valuable! Finally, they also practice prayer before bedtime. It CAN be easy to push these important things off because even the BEST marriages need nurturing!
Adapting Marriage Goals to Different Seasons (12:12)
Jesse and Kathleen have been practicing these things for quite a while, but in every season they DO change. The MOST important thing is…they keep adjusting and prioritizing their relationship. A marriage is a foundation, and your spouse may understand if you need to cancel, but it’s important to prioritize the relationship regardless of the season you’re in.
Yes, making date nights and your marriage a priority while you have littles in the house is hard. But, you won’t always recognize the consequences of putting off your marriage right away. You may recognize them too late, or at a time when it’s too hard to get back into the groove.
Like Lisa Canning says in business coaching…
Choose your hard.
These babies will all grow up, which will happen quicker than you think. Divorce rates are quite high for empty nesters. Unless we remember to focus on one another when we are young and married, like Brittany’s mom says, we may end up as roommates.
It’s worth it to sacrifice time to grow your relationship with your spouse and have fun with each other. Date nights don’t have to look like Pinterest…they don’t have to be perfect. Sometimes Brittany and Brandon will get out the door 45 minutes late and frustrated. Sometimes they’ll get interrupted by phone calls. Sometimes, they have to pack up quickly and go home.
You may not always have the energy for an elaborate date night. Maybe it’s 30 minutes of talking and laughing, and THAT’S enough. The regularity is the most important part. Connecting regularly will keep your hearts on the same page and help you know how to be with one another.
ABC Date Nights (22:44)
Even Kathleen and Jesse have gotten into date night ‘ruts.’ To keep things fun, they found ABC date nights and started doing them! While turning on a movie is ok…it IS important to talk and connect! Adding a theme (like a letter) can be a great way to keep things exciting!
At the time of recording, our guest was planning activities for the letter ‘T’, which included a taste test and Tim Tam slams. Just having this theme has brought new life into their date nights.
Many marriages seem to fall apart when the kids leave, and a therapist on the DOAC podcast explained it as a build-up of little anger. The solution is getting together with our spouses and connecting. Communicating.
Brittany and Brandon play games because there’s so much conversation that happens. It keeps everything low-pressure and makes it easier to open up to one another. Creating a neutral ground where conversation can flow is SO important.
If you’re in a place where you haven’t dated your spouse in a while, don’t give up. Start with prayer, and just keep trying. It can (or will) be a rough start, but you won’t regret it.
How Kids Understand Love & Marriage (31:05)
Your marriage is the pillar of your home. When mom and dad are angsty or resentful, kids don’t feel safe. Kids understand who God is based on the relationship they see between their parents, and if you can’t do these things for your spouse right now, do them for your kids.
Brittany’s kids (young and old) have expressed how it makes them feel to see Brittany and Brandon interact positively. A child’s knowledge and view of love is learned through their parents’ relationship.
Our marriage will set the tone for our kids’ marriages. So if it’s hard for you to keep this important relationship up, remember that it WILL affect the next generation of your family as well!
Putting in the Work (38:20)
What happens when one spouse isn’t willing to put in the work? Brittany and I are both blessed with spouses who are willing to put in the work, but what if that isn’t the case?
Kathleen suggests talking with your spouse. Sometimes there’s an assumption that a spouse won’t want to do it, without a question even being posed. So ask. Invite.
Another suggestion from our guest is to work on yourself first. Growing in service and virtue CAN have a great effect on your spouse. Improve your communication skills, and consider your own vices.
Invite Christ in. Start with something really small and attainable, and invite Christ into your lives. A Novena can work very well, and you can build from there. Work together to find one little ‘yes.’
It’s worth mentioning that an invitation is important. If you ARE working on yourself, you may need to prove how you’ve changed. This may require more invitations and more proof for your spouse.
Saint Monica is a wonderful example of prayer. She prayed for her son without ceasing. Kathleen also suggested the power of fasting, and of Our Lady the Undoer of Knots. There are some incredible stories about couples that have experienced miracles related to this specific devotion.
Questions for Kathleen (45:40)
Kathleen’s ‘mom superpower’ is the dress-up musical dance party.
If she could go back to one stage of her motherhood, she would go back to when she had her first and he was just a newborn. She would tell herself to just enjoy it and slow down. This problem that’s here now…will be gone in a month.
Our guest’s friends and family would say she’s good at organizing things (kicking people into action), singing and playing piano, being patient and peaceful, and Jesse says she’s a good cook!
Something that makes the LeBlanc family special is that they love being together.
The Catholic Date Night is a membership community of engaged & married couples, and once a month Jesse and Kathleen host a one-hour episode and all you have to do is click ‘play’. They offer a game and they interview a couple or Priest about marriage, and their experience of marriage, and they give you questions to answer about the interview. They can be found on Instagram @thecatholicdatenight.
Kathleen and Jesse are also musicians! They are called Found Together…on Instagram @wearefoundtogether, and they’re releasing an EP of worship and liturgical songs, and they’re looking for some crowdfunding!
Takeaways
A strong parental relationship provides children with a sense of security and safety within the family.
Open communication and discussing expectations can help address issues of unequal effort in a relationship.
Personal growth and working on oneself can positively impact a marriage.
Prayer and inviting Christ into one's life can strengthen a marriage.
Not giving up and persevering in prayer can lead to positive change.
Finding joy in simple moments and enjoying time together as a family is important.
Get the weekly check-in questions here.
The Catholic Date Night program offers a low-prep, guided experience for couples to strengthen their relationship. Use code FREEDATE here for a free month of the Catholic Date Night Membership!
Remember momma...
You are doing beautiful work!
