Episode 142: There’s a System for That with Tessa from Build a Country Home
What You’ll Learn
Are you intentional about how you run your home? Or…do things just happen and ONLY when YOU do them?!
Would you like things to run a bit smoother?
Do you need help? A village? A little community?
Our next guest is back by popular demand, and she's got some ideas about ALL those things (and we think you'll like them!)
This isn't just some *expert* who's here to tell you what to do (we have a pretty strict policy against that around here)…
She's a homeschooling mom of 6 and her family owns a dairy farm in southern Alberta.
She's deeply connected with the unique struggles of life in regards to motherhood and has built a business by helping women create harmony, order, and cooperation within their home and family so they have energy and the mental fortitude to do all the things that God has asked of them (and the wisdom to discern what God is actually asking of them!)
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Habits & Systems (02:16)
Tessa has systems for EVERYTHING she does. Something like 90% of what each of us do each day is by habit…and all a habit is…is basically a system. The difference between a habit and a good system is intention and purpose (rather than just letting things happen).
There's a System for That (03:38)
Tessa’s family has been running their Morning High-Five for more than a decade. It’s made of five simple actions (you can find the printable here), that the kids start at about TWO years old.
From there, the rest of the day falls into regular rhythms. Tessa’s got systems for laundry, dishes, kitchen cleaning, and meals.
Speaking of meals, Tessa isn’t a fan of being in the kitchen. In fact, her husband DOES enjoy being in the kitchen, but he spends 10+ hours a day working on the farm, which means he needs the systems in the kitchen to work for HIM.
Tessa has worked to learn to adapt to the personalities of her husband and children in order to keep the systems in her home running. She has taken the time to learn about different personalities, strengths, and charisms in order to teach her children (and husband) her systems.
Earlier in her marriage, Tessa’s husband was teaching her how to milk the cows. It took a TON of trial and frustration for her to learn the steps required to milk the cows (things her husband did without thinking) because HER learning style was different from his.
It was only when she began taking notes that she was able to study the steps and it finally made sense. She and her husband then realized how simple the fix was…and it all boiled down to learning styles and methods.
This is important because our kids are all different, our spouses are likely very different from us, and these differences become very important when we’re either learning or teaching a system in our homes.
Systems for Homeschooling (09:57)
Tessa’s family leans more towards the “Unschooling” type of homeschooling. She does lots of “Strewing” for her children. When Tessa saw her children becoming interested in particular things, she would offer them books or activities that work with their mentality.
Some of her children easily learn from books, but there are others who really enjoy workbooks. Each child makes progress, but in different ways. She makes herself available to the children each day for a particular amount of time, and this is the VERY simple homeschool system that works for her family (completing the next chapter, or the next lesson).
Choosing Where to Begin (13:37)
For Tessa, laundry is the obvious choice for where to begin because farm life requires a particular focus on keeping clothing clean (because there’s regular mess and FARM mess for clothes).
She began asking herself
How can I do less laundry?
How can I make this simple enough for even the youngest child to do?
The first question for Tessa led her to the answer of…less clothes. Each kid has 5 town pants and 5 play pants. Then, she thought about how she could wash less frequently…this brought her to the solution of a larger washing machine (she realizes this is not a possibility for everyone, but her washer happened to break at an opportune time). Finally, she thought, “They could probably wear this again.” So she taught her children NOT to automatically throw things in the hamper.
As soon as you do something as simple as wear clothes twice, you have now cut your laundry literally in HALF.
Brittany does something similar, where she has her children look their clothes over before throwing them in the hamper.
*Sidenote…clothes CAN be worn more than once. Not only does this increase the lifespan of the clothing, but it can be better for your pocketbook (saving money on clothes, soap, water), but it is also helpful to the environment (using less energy AND water).
The Big Five of Homemaking (18:15)
For Tessa, the big five of the home are…
Laundry
Dishes
Meals
Bathrooms
Tidying Floors & Surfaces
In these systems, there is no “Done,” but the goal is to keep them going.
The mess does not cause the stress—it is—the stress is caused by not having a way to deal with the mess.
If you can get laundry and dishes under control, it will FREE up space in your mind.
The Next Steps (20:40)
Whichever system you choose to begin with, as a mother and homemaker, YOU get to choose the way YOU’D like it to be completed. Later, as they get older, children will be able to make adjustments and take ownership over the system.
When Tessa began working in the farm office, she learned the system her mother used, and then adapted it to her family. She had to learn her mother’s system FIRST, then she could make changes that made sense to her situation, life, and office space.
Similarly, Tessa teaches her children how SHE would like things done, and she does expect it to be done in the way she needs (while also understanding that each child has a particular learning style). As she is teaching systems to her kids, she uses a 4 step process…
Show
Direct
Supervise
Inspect
The Six Features of a Successful System (25:05)
Tessa has 6 features that are required for a successful system for your home (which she teaches in her course Stressed to Blessed: Mastering the Art of Christian Homemaking…
It must be HIGHLY visible.
It requires low interaction or low maintenance.
It’s easily repeatable.
It is FLEXIBLE.
It’s NOT ugly.
It’s EASY to follow.
A home with systems that include these features is a home that can run WITHOUT mom. In her last podcast with us, Tessa spoke about being a Duplicatable Leader, and it IS a good thing!
Do Your Systems Change? (31:53)
Tessa’s FIRST thought is, “If you set them up right, they shouldn’t.” But this isn’t true. Systems do adapt and change. When looking at your systems with the changing of the seasons of motherhood, it’s important to keep what works, and change what doesn’t.
When you have a baby, there’s still laundry (although you may be washing different clothing). The regular systems keep running, but the extra components get worked in.
At the end of the day, there are only so many parts of a good system that need to be changed, but they can always be adapted to fit the seasons of life.
The BIG thing is making changes deliberately, knowing WHY you’re making them, and being OK with them. When Tessa is coaching women, they walk through the current rhythms and routines, look at what’s working, and adapt to the season they’re in.
The System That's Working the BEST for Tessa Right Now (35:25)
The system that’s working the BEST for Tessa right now is her evening clean-up. For many years, she didn’t do it…she was too exhausted…mentally AND physically. When they moved to the new house three years ago, her husband began working on the kitchen clean-up with the kids.
He discovered that the kids love to have a dance party in the kitchen that JUST so happens to result in a clean kitchen each night. Tessa and one of her sons aren’t into the loud music at 7:00pm, so they go out and do farm chores (which works great)!
Tessa also has some friends who are single moms who’ve learned to switch gears, turn down the mom dial, and just hang out with their kids! (This may be required from time to time for EVERY mom). There’s actually a business book ALL about this, The Alter Ego Effect by Todd Herman, which COULD also be applied to motherhood!
Consider that you’re the CEO of your home, and YOU get to make the rules and the standards.
Final Questions (40:45)
Tessa’s go-to book recommend (besides the bible) would be The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding or The Mark of the Lion Series by Francine Rivers.
Spaghetti is Tessa’s dinner-in-a-pinch (and it saves her sanity). She makes pasta, sauce, ground beef, and she’s been adding veggies lately too!
Every morning, Tessa begins with a coffee in her nest (her chair) as a form os self-care. If she can start her day off in this way, it allows her to enter into the chaos.
One thing she does each evening to set herself up for success is to go to bed by 10:00pm.
Hugging cows IS AMAZING! We’ve heard it from Tessa herself! When it comes to hugging cows, there is something beautiful about it, and it’s therapeutic!
More About Tessa (46:48)
Get the Morning High-Five
Check out her web site buildacountryhome.com
She has a course called Stressed to Blessed: Mastering the Art of Christian Homemaking and in the course she walks you through your whole home system, set up standards for your home (what you want to do, when you want to do it), and there’s a whole lesson on communicating these standards to your children and spouse to help them get on board.
Tessa believes that the home is the whole foundation for society, and as mothers it’s our responsibility to set a tone of order, peace, creativity, fun, harmony (siblings should get along) and she believes that children should be taught the skills to run a household.
You can find Tessa on Instagram @buildacountryhome
Remember sweet mommas,
You are doing beautiful work!
