Episode 130: From Burnout to Truly Present with Kelsey Pasquarell
What You’ll Learn
We LOVE our guests, and Kelsey is no exception. Grab your favorite cup of something delicious and listen in! Does this episode resonate? Do you have an idea or suggestion based on what you heard? If so, email us at brittany@thedeliberateday.org or DM us on Instagram and share with us!
The Deliberate Day 12-Week Planner is on sale in the shop! If you follow us on Instagram THIS is the planner you see almost every day in stories, and Brittany has used it every, single day for over five years now!
It is what she uses to get ahead …it gives her clarity and focus, and honestly, a massive amount of peace. There are SO many people, things, and thoughts…when Brittany can look at these things in the morning and list the MOST important, it sets her up for success.
Each evening, she looks back at the day, sees where she was successful, where she struggled, and what needs to be changed for tomorrow.
If this sounds like something YOU need right now, head to The Deliberate Day and put the 12-Week Planner into your cart and use the code PODCASTMOM to get 20% off!
Kelsey Pasquarell (00:12)
Mommas, welcome back to the Deliberate Day podcast.
We CANNOT wait for you to listen in on our conversation with today's guest…we invited her on to talk about time management and the burnout that is so prevalent in motherhood, especially in recent years...because between the mental load, the physical load, and the spiritual load of running our big beautiful families...burn-out is a REAL THING!
She's the momma behind True Presence, for Catholic Moms, a certified coach…productivity expert…and has 4 children of her own that she also homeschools...so mommas, it's safe to say she is no stranger to burnout.
What Led you Into...and Out of...Burnout (01:20)
Kelsey began her career as a productivity expert, her background was in economics, and she worked previously with non-profits on their systems. She really hit her lowest point after she left her job, had her 3rd child, and moved into a 120 year-old house with a HUGE load of construction projects to do.
Part of her journey was learning the difference between normal stress and burn-out. Many of us believe we’re just stressed…we’re drained all the time, we lose focus, and we find our spirits are low…and this is NOT just stress, this is burnout.
The first thing to know is that IF you’re suffering from burnout, you need a mind-body-soul approach, and you need to work one layer at a time.
The Physical Side of Chronic Stress (04:20)
Stress causes the release of many hormones in our body, and when we’re at a sustained level of stress for a long time, it will show up in our body. You may see symptoms in our digestion, our hormones, and we need to look at that and ask ourselves…how do I get back to optimal health.
The physical healing can begin with something as simple as the right minerals! When we’re stressed, we can burn through common minerals like potassium, which can be easily supplemented with electrolyte drinks.
How to Build Better Patterns (05:50)
We also need to learn how to move forward FROM our burnout. Our brains are plastic—they build pathways and connections that are very flexible—and it becomes like a trough that our thinking patterns flow through. Building better patterns will happen by being intentional in thinking in a healthy way. This is a long and gradual process.
Then there’s the healing in our soul. When we’ve gone through long periods of stress, it will affect our expectations and our relationship with the Lord. It can be hard to trust and be reliant on Him.
We work through all these layers over time, and healing comes through that work.
Recognize Burnout (07:55)
Big life changes come with stress that can linger for months or years, so how can we—as moms—recognize burnout in our lives. Kelsey suggests that if you get something like an afternoon off, and it doesn’t make a difference in your energy or focus, then you KNOW you’re dealing with burnout.
Start Here (10:00)
Kelsey always tells people to begin with a Sabbath. It was important enough to the Lord to be made one of the 10 commandments.
It’s like a tithe of our time.
Building a Sabbath practice into our lives is an act of faith. Obviously there is still work to do, but as much as possible time should stand still. Keep the focus on lots of God, lots of rest, and lots of family.
Make Sunday a day where you’re only cleaning up the messes of that day…no getting caught up, and no getting ahead. Narrow the focus into, “What does today need…only.” This builds in a new rhythm for our life, starting from the Sabbath.
It’s also important to know that stress hormones are addictive, which will make a Sabbath uncomfortable. This is one reason why the Sabbath is difficult for us, and we want to go back to what we’re used to, because it’s more comfortable.
Time Management and Burnout for Moms (14:45)
Motherhood is a marathon. Our job is here for 25+ years, and we can’t quit or take a month-long vacation. We need to have a mission-focused perspective that not only focuses on the outcomes, but also the incomes. We have basic maintenance needs as mothers in order to accomplish our mission of raising our children well.
As you consider time management, Kelsey suggests to look at three main categories, that will shift depending on your stage of life…
Preparation…this our mind, body, and soul care and planning.
Connection…our relationships. In many senses this is the main reason we’re here on earth…to love God, to love others, and to build relationships.
Productivity…our results and our output as mothers.
If you think about these things as a pie chart, on a normal day, these three categories would be equal slices. But in burnout? You’ll want to put more time into preparation (this can help with decision fatigue and overload).
Everyone’s pie chart will look different, but it’s worth paying attention to. It’s also to remember as you might be tempted to look at others, the ONLY one we’re accountable to is God. We want to look at our OWN path in discernment with the Lord.
Recovering from Burnout (22:00)
The movement we need in burnout is small…and it begins by looking at this mind, body, and soul care. Kelsey suggests recognizing the small steps we’re taking each day…it’s a continual testing, adjustment, and it’s SO important to look at what we’re doing right and be encouraged by that.
The Martha & Mary Secret (24:35)
When we talk about the story of Mary and Martha, we need to remember Jesus’ words to Martha. When we haven’t taken the time to plan with the Lord, we begin to believe that everything depends on us (but it really doesn’t).
Ask the Lord what He’s asking of you. Maybe it’s housework, maybe it’s spending time with your husband, maybe…it’s self-care. It CAN be scary to ask God these questions because it means surrender. But if you bring Him in, you’ll feel SO much joy, calm, and peace.
The Lord has promised us his peace…ALL the time…but we’re not in the habit of seeking it out. As moms, we’re constantly facing last-minute adjustments, but when we resist reactivity and invite the Lord in, peace is always available to us.
If you’re unable to find peace, there could be a physical reason, so begin with breathing. Slow your breath, notice it, and calm your body down…and it will calm your mind as well.
If you’re constantly on edge, simply putting in some earplugs can give you a barrier from being overstimulated by sound (which is a BIG thing for moms). Our senses exist to keep us safe, so when we’re overstimulated, our body is telling us we’re in danger, but it’s our job to remember we’re not ACTUALLY unsafe.
If our child has a tantrum, it can quickly put us in a state of fear, but we can still calm our bodies down and invite the Lord into the moment. This can have an immense impact on our children and even future generations. Doing this changes US little by little over time, and they are VERY simple.
Rapid-Fire Questions (38:30)
Kelsey’s mom superpower is individualization. She’s able to see her kids each as unique, she’s able to pull out their strengths, notice them, and customize their homeschooling to who they are and build them into who they’re meant to be.
If she could go back to one stage of motherhood, Kelsey would go back to when her first was born and she would tell herself, “It’s ok for you to eat your food,” and “It’s ok for you to have a solid meal.”
Four things that Kelsey excels at are…cooking, podcasting, listening to her children, and reading books aloud and using the good voices.
Something that makes Kelsey’s family special is that they’re up for anything…they go camping, they’ve had goats, they garden, they do DIY things…they’re very flexible and “figure it out” people.
