Episode 138: When Dad Stays Home…Our Interview with Everyday Parents
What You’ll Learn
A few months ago, Brittany was invited to be a guest on the Everyday Parents podcast, and after that appearance, we were super excited to have them on ours! They share a peek into the life of everyday parents on their episodes…their routines, the things that are special to them, and what’s most important to them…and it really gives insight to what’s working for many other family types.
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Everyday Parents (00:48)
Caitlin and Jerome have a 2.5 year old daughter and live in Michigan, and they grew up in very different families themselves. The idea to interview caregivers came to them in the newborn phase, when they found hope and connection with people who had kids of similar or older ages.
It’s not always possible to ask your family or parents about raising children, because sometimes their advice could be outdated. This is why a podcast that really pulls back the curtain on many different styles of family life is SO intriguing.
Family Systems (05:00)
Every family’s system has been different, and Caitlin & Jerome have been able to take nuggets from ALL the families they’ve interviewed.
Jerome took Brittany’s deliberate nature of planning everything and scaling up (with many kids).
For Caitilin, the most intriguing family setups is when the parents are able to manage working with no childcare. One couple woke up at 5am to teach english abroad, and their chid would wake up at 10am. This is relatively new in our culture (with the prevalence of remote work).
One of the most common systems of the families they’ve interviewed is a deliberate morning routine.
Caitlin & Jerome's Family Systems (06:38)
Having a more deliberate dinner and evening routine has been BIG for the Everyday Parents. They made the decision to sit together, put phones away, and include some intentional conversation during and after dinner.
When Jerome was a kid, he doesn’t recollect reflective conversations, and he’s realized that if they want them to happen in their home, THEY need to include them.
Brittany didn’t realize what her own parents did intentionally (things like introducing finances) until she had her own kids (and needed to do those things in her own home).
Systems that Didn't Work (09:20)
For Caitlin, the things that didn’t work revolved around sleep. She’s the bedtime person, and what worked for some families really didn’t work for them. Sleep training didn’t work for them, and it’s important to know that certain systems just won’t work in your family (but you can take the best of what you learn and ADAPT it to fit your needs).
Jerome has had to change the way he eats, drinks, and sleeps…he has to make sure he’s getting a good night’s sleep. Being there for his daughter is the most important for him as a stay-at-home dad.
In families, there’s a need to pivot often. Caitlin would like to follow up with some of the guests to do a recap and see how things have changed over time.
Even Brittany’s life has changed in the few months between her interview and our interview with Everyday Parents.
Over the years of parenting, you learn what to stay on top of, and what to let go of. Brittany experienced this in her family, Jerome has, and I’ve lived it with my children.
Parenthood is a growing and learning game, and Brittany tells her son…
Hey! When you became a child and you were given to us, I also became a mom. So while you were trying to figure out childhood, I’ve been trying to figure out parenthood and you and I have been growing ever since—because every time YOU hit a new milestone, I hit a new milestone that I have no experience in—so guess what…we’re guinea pigs together, ok?
Morning Routines (18:20)
There are two distinct types of morning parents…those who get up WITH the kids and those who get up BEFORE the kids. One dad woke up at 3:00am and did a long run, went to the gym, did meditation and journaling, which was on the extreme end. The average parent who gets up before the kids just enjoys a cup of coffee and some silence.
Jerome and Caitlin are still the parents who wake up WITH their daughter, but they are able to make up for that time in other pockets during the day. If there’s a stay-at-home parent and a working parent, usually the one who stays at home wants to get ahead a bit (this is what Jerome has observed from the families they’ve interviewed).
Teamwork Makes the Dreamwork (21:22)
Where Caitlin and Jerome live (Michigan), it’s still very rare for mom to work and dad to stay home. It seems to depend on whether the income of the stay-at-home parent would cover the cost of daycare.
Brittany actually had 3 jobs when she was first a stay-at-home mom. More and more now, earning potential will determine who stays home.
In my own marriage, the initial plan was for ME to work and my husband to stay home (of course, after we had 3 kids in 5 years, that plan went out the window).
The wonderful thing is when two parents come together and choose the BEST way to care for their children together and have a willingness to adapt as things change. Even Caitlin and Jerome decided that if staying at home was too frustrating, and Jerome felt the need to work, they would reevaluate…then Jerome got to know his daughter and it became harder and harder to think about sending her to daycare.
Looking at strengths and gifts (instead of traditional roles) is a good thing when it comes to a parent staying home. Brittany’s husband would love to be a stay-at-home dad! Being a stay-at-home parent does make for some hard days, but it IS a blessing.
Even as the breadwinner, Caitlin could make more somewhere else, but her current job offers her more flexibility and the opportunity to work from home where she has the opportunity to spend more time with her daughter.
No one system works for everybody, and every family’s systems are ALWAYS pivoting.
A Day in the Life of the Everyday Parents (28:50)
Caitlin gets up first with her daughter, and in the winter screen time happens first, but summer brings some outdoor play.
Jerome likes to do as many tasks as he can before Caitlin goes to work, for his own sanity. This includes emptying the dishwasher, working out, cooking a meal, making the bed, and getting their daughter’s room ready for nap.
He and Charley are on a pretty steady diet of trampoline parks, libraries, children’s museums, and the YMCA (there’s childcare). Charley naps around noon, and that’s when Jerome cooks lunch for him and Caitlin (which they enjoy together during Charley’s nap).
Charley wakes up around 1:30 or 2:00, and they head out to have as much fun as possible until 5:00pm when Caitlin gets off work.
Meal Prep by Jerome (31:47)
In the evenings, while Caitlin & Charley spend time together, Jerome does his cooking. He pre-plans and pre-portions his meals, so they’re pretty static. Charley has a wide selection of quick and easy things to choose from (the current favorite is frozen chicken nuggets).
Jerome enjoys the creative art of cooking, so for Caitlin, he shows love by creating delicious meals (that also use ingredients they have on hand). This means, he’s creating three meals each evening. His meal is tracked, Charley gets whatever she wants, and Caitlin gets a creative expression of his time in the kitchen. It isn’t very efficient, but it keeps Jerome sane and it’s fun for him to make!
On the weekends, Caitlin will take Charley and Jerome will prep many of the meals for the week.
Life After Dinner (34:21)
Usually after dinner, Jerome will come out of the kitchen and the family will hang out together. They generally have music going or the TV on as background noise (until about an hour before bedtime). On bath nights, Caitlin will take care of the bathing, and then Charley likes Jerome to chase her up the stairs.
Caitlin and Charley will read a few books, snuggle, and then Charley will drift off to sleep as Caitlin sits outside her room on the landing and reads (usually 20-30 minutes). Charley now has a night-light that turns off at a particular time, and she knows that’s when she can come into Caitlyn and Jerome’s bed (so they have time to connect). This is valuable time for couples to have together.
Some couples have “Revenge Bedtime” where they stay up way too late, eat ALL the junk food, and then watch an entire show together…because they NEED it and it’s WORTH it.
Final Questions (39:04)
The book Caitlin is currently reading is “Small Gods” which is in the Terry Pratchett Diskworld series. The book Jerome has shared with the most people is Jurassic Park, and he’s spent about 10 years working through all the John Grisham books. “Neverwhere” by Neil Gaiman is the book that Caitlin has shared with the most people.
Jerome’s meal in a pinch is frozen pizza, because it always tastes great at the end of a road trip. On other occasions, canned chicken noodle soup is great with some jasmine rice and green onions. Caitlin likes a bean and rice tortilla as a back-up meal.
If Caitlin could go back to any stage of parenthood, she’d go back to the newborn stage and tell herself how fast it all goes. Jerome would go back to pre-parenthood and tell himself to sleep.
Most mornings, the family goes for a walk around the block together, and it’s great for Caitlin because it’s quiet, and it helps Jerome to reach his step goal for the day. This also makes for a good transition for Caitlin to go to work, and Jerome to begin his work as a stay-at-home dad.
Jerome thinks what makes their family special is that Caitlin is very smart, he’s smart, and their daughter is also quite…smart. Her language and recall are incredible for her age. As a small family, Caitlin enjoys that they have so much focused time together, and they can plan things just for Charley right now.
The Everyday Parents Podcast
Jerome and Caitlin are husband-and-wife cohosts of the Everyday Parents podcast, where they interview parents from all kinds of families about their daily routines. Jerome is a stay-at-home dad to their toddler and Caitlin works hybrid, so this little family gets to spend plenty of time together curating their own routine and learning from other families' routines.
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Listen to THEIR Podcast (you might hear a familiar voice in episode 41)
After several questions and requests, Brittany has finally created a guide for the wardrobe planning system she’s been using for her family.
She took a blend of capsule, minimalist, and practical wardrobes and broke it down into four simple steps (with ALL the tips and tricks she’s learned through clothing her family of 9 over the years). Go check out the Seasonally Simple Wardrobe Planner for kids today!
And finally, sweet momma, please remember…
You are doing beautiful work!
