Episode 156: Nurturing the ‘whole’ child…the holistic homeschool with Insiya Abdur Raheem
What You’ll Learn
We want to talk homeschooling…more specifically….what an ACTUAL day in a homeschool can look like.
But, the reality is, every homeschool is different...because every child is different, every mom is different, and every family is different.
So, rather than just share what Tiffany and I do in OUR homeschools, we thought it would be amazing to reach out to other moms in our community and showcase all the real possibilities for homeschooling our families!
In this episode we have Insiya, a Muslim woman, Wife, Homeschool Mom of three children under 6, Mental Health Educator and Entrepreneur…
She's had 10+ glorious years as a counselor and trainer in the field of mental health between the Middle East and India and if that wasn't impressive enough, she's also been a research assistant at Stanford University.
Insiya (01:40)
The one thing Insiya thinks is that being a homemaker is the biggest part of her growth and learning so far. Initially, she was a career woman, she planned on gettting a PhD, and now her criteria for success has shifted. For anyone who’s thinking about extending their motherhood into homeschooling, Insiya feels it’s about raising a family (as in…raising it to another whole level).
Insiya is a wife (which is a full time job in itself), she has two daughters and a son (her youngest is 4 months old). There is chaos, yes, but she knows it won’t last long.
The eldest child, who is six, has been homeschooled for 2-ish years. Insiya believes that homeschooling doesn’t start with teaching, it begins with just being the person you are around your children. So really, ALL the children are being ‘homeschooled.’
Homeschooling doesn’t start with teaching, it begins with just being the person you are around your children.
Life in Insiya’s family IS school, and not only includes the oldest, but also the second born (a son, who also wants to learn), AND the baby (who’s needs are a learning opportunity for all).
Family Life & Homeschool (06:30)
Insiya and her husband (together) decide each year if they want to continue. He’s very involved, and they both have particular subjects they’d like to teach the kids (which they are prepping for mentally).
When Insiya had her firstborn, it was after 6 years and some fertility issues, and when she held her…she knew she didn’t want to let her go. Insiya is a rebel by nature, and homeschooling is quite a rebellious choice, and she hopes that her children will see the process of life (the day-to-day).
In her experience and culture, as a child…she was very protected, so when she grew up and married, she was shocked at what was expected to keep a house running. The hope is that if she homeschools, and allows her children to grow in life skills and experience home, they will grow up to be truly independent people.
THIS is what Insiya wanted for her children.
Everything seems long-term. You’ll be a mother from today until the day you live. Insiya wanted to support women and her community but understands that it would be in a smaller way, so she can be present for her kids.
Homeschool Hang-ups (12:35)
First, Insiya was concerned about her kids being behind. In her own education, she was very good at math, science, and sports…but she feels that she lacks some general knowledge. She believes that learning should be independent and joyful. In her background (Asia), there is a lot of rote learning and gathering of information…but not on making that information applicable to your life. Insiya did not want this for her kids, she’s interested in school being holistic and easy (with less focus on grades).
As she’s homeschooled, she’s realized there will be fears, doubts, and questions at every step of the way. There’ll be a time when a well-meaning person in the community will come and talk about how many languages their kids are learning, how many extracurricular activities they’re involved in, and her kids will be playing in the backyard…but they’ll be safe.
Insiya worked as a school counselor, and she’s created anti-bullying policies and anti-racism policies for schools, and she knows the effects that kids have in school. At home, even if the kids get less academically, they’ll get more independence.
The Idea of Sustenance (17:50)
In terms of Insiya’s faith, they call it sustenance. The concept that whatever you need in this life is provided to you by your lot and is written for you…it’s going to come to you in some form or another. Insiya and her husband have both been working professionals, and they’ve been through a journey of moving, and a stage of low income…even where they were both not earning.
When Insiya was pregnant with her second child, her husband made the decision to come home. Now, they’re both working, but she doesn’t think it’s the amount of income that makes a difference. She thinks these few years, she’s learned to live so intentionally, so fulfilled, and so abundant, even when they were getting the bigger paychecks, she didn’t have the mindfulness around money she has now. Not just because she doesn’t have enough, but she thinks you don’t need so much all the time.
The biggest sustenance is belief in yourself. That you can make a living out of any situation, and this is the flex that Insiya and her husband have gotten in these few years that have made the journey of homeschooling so meaningful is that the children have seen her and her husband go through it.
The biggest sustenance is belief in yourself.
Entrepreneurship has become such a part of the family’s life because jobs (especially post-COVID) are not as secure. Insiya has intentionally stepped down from working like a hustler this year (since having her baby), and made herself more available to her kids (she fits in work while she can).
This is great insight, because every family is different! Brittany’s family is mostly one income, but she’s always got a side project or side-job going. We’ve talked about working in the margins of our motherhood, and it’s fascinating to see a fellow homeschooler doing this as well.
Entrepreneurship & Homeschooling (21:35)
When you’re working from home…acceptance has to come...there WILL be noise, life is happening, and that’s ok. Insiya is an online mental health coach, and she works specifically with women. She teaches them how to understand their overwhelm, when you’re an overwhelmed woman, you won’t enjoy your marriage or your parenting—and even if you have a passion—you can’t fully live it. This is the area of life Insiya would like women of faith to see, and grow, and heal.
She loves working in this area not ONLY because she is helping women of faith, but also because it allows her to grow as well.
Furthering the discussion on sustenance, in terms of faith, the men are supposed to be the providers so the women are the nourishers of the family. Now, Insiya sees that concept more clearly since her third child…
For her, it was easier (with one and two children) it felt easy to juggle and pursue a career. With three, her motherhood has been extended (and they are suckers of energy at this point in time-and they NEED it), in terms of her growing in her faith, her husband is the main provider for the family and anything she’s able to make is bonus. This allows her to be creative, in her feminine energy, to do the things that make her a woman (like dressing up), and for her…home is sacred.
A Morning Routine (25:00)
Thankfully, Insiya is blessed with high energy (even postpartum). She has been an early riser and doesn’t like to sleep late (although she isn’t opposed to lazy mornings). She’s told herself she can plug in work whenever and wherever.
Every day she asks herself, “What will make me do the best I can, and not make me a resentful woman?”
This can include talking with her husband, being with her kids, planning something, working on something, cleaning up, organizing, or decluttering, then that’s what she’ll do that day. When you give yourself the time freedom and flexibility, it allows you to become a different person. Knowing that you have young children, or an active house, and allowing yourself grace to work with the rhythm of the home will allow life to flow.
Currently, Insiya will do her work when the children are low energy, and before her husband gets home from work. On the weekends, her husband will sleep in the the kids and THAT’S when she fits work in. If she’s doing the filming, her eldest will help, but for everything else, she tries to make it invisible, to a point where she’s been mostly available, so when she needs to ask for time, it’s no problem.
Her daughter is her Instagram mate, and they’re also using the Ticket System…so her daughter understands how important the business is. All of the parts of life are intertwined, family, business, and school.
One of Insiya’s teachers taught her that you either experience the pain of discipline or the pain of regret, so discipline yourself. When she speaks with her babies, she speaks with them just like adults, and she just loves the innocence of kids.
Having young kids is messy, it’s hard work, but it’s a blessing that goes much too quickly. As a mother you need breaks, you need naps, and you need snacks.
Home & Homeschool (33:25)
When Insiya started homeschooling her oldest, they would sit down right after breakfast and have about 30 minutes of structured learning. Then baby number two came, they would do ‘school’ during naptime. Now, with the newborn, Insiya’s daughter will homeschool when she wants to, and it usually happens before lunch.
Insiya was bent on a particular curriculum…but now the summer plan is reading every day and learning one prayer at a time (everything beyond that is a bonus). The family also receives a magazine called myDeen that integrates everything (including the family’s faith in Islam). It includes Division, Writing, Arabic, Reading, and Science.
The family does The Good & the Beautiful for Language Arts and Math as well.
There are two floors in Insiya’s home. On the main floor, there’s a kid’s corner with a homeschool shelf and a play area for the toddler.
On the upper floor, there’s a room designated for the kids that they don’t use. Currently, Insiya’s focus is on learning through play. She wants to gauge the success of her homeschool on the quality of the conversations.
Everything right now is a lot more flow-ey, and that’s ok. Insiya has allowed herself so many more mistakes and so many more experiments in homeschooling that have made her entrepreneurial journey more meaningful.
Incorporating Faith (40:30)
As for Insiya, faith was foreign to her in education…her parents are faithful, but it wasn’t integrated into her learning in school. The magazine she gets monthly does a great job of incorporating faith, and she and her husband try to pass the faith on to the kids in bite-sized pieces. For example, if she’s in the sun with the kids, they’ll have a conversation about how nature comes from God. She also has a homeschooling mentor and friend, Sana, who continues to help her to stay on track.
Insiya starts her day in prayer, and she believes that homeschooling is more about WHO you are (so if you have faith, your children will pick it up). Your kids need to see you be faithful, you don’t want them to question you…but you don’t want them to just blindly follow you either.
The small deposits of faith over time will all add up. Kids will ‘know’ it without having to fully get it. Kids will need to have their faith journey, but we can share ours as well. Sometimes it's important to let go and to pray for our kids. Homeschooling allows us to share our faith with our kids, and to influence them positively.
Advice for Homeschooling (48:55)
If you want to homeschool, don’t worry about your kids! Go and find some other homeschool moms. Find support, grow with your mistakes, and allow yourself the liberty to homeschool. Only when you get into it, is when you’ll actually know what it is!
You Can Find Insiya...
Head to her profile on Instagram
